“Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can…”
~ Danny Kaye
“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody…”
~ Bill Cosby
As we embark on a New Year, many of us are focusing on what we want to achieve in the next 12 months and what we want to change in our lives or do differently. This is often referred to as making ‘New Year’s resolutions ‘
What New Year’s resolutions did you make this year? Like many people, you probably started off the year hopeful and determined to make changes that you desire – and you should be commended for that. However, studies have shown that as many as 91 percent of people give up on their resolutions in less than three weeks! We’re now about 10 days into this year, how are you doing so far?
Are you on your way to becoming part of that 91 percent, or are you determined to be part of the 9% that keep going past the end of January?
Most people promise this and declare that, but what is it that determines whether they get what they want? How can you make sure you stay on track? Is there any help out there? It can be hard to stay committed to even the greatest goals you set for yourself.
Follow these 5 steps and you’ll stand a much greater chance of getting the results you want this year. Read through each and then take some time to work through each step.
Step 1: Review – Look back on last year
Stop and pay attention to what has worked for you in 2009, no really stop and pay attention, and then write it down! However you feel 2009 went for you, take some time and take stock of all of the things that went well. List your victories and successes, no matter how big or small. They are all important!
Why? I here you ask. Because our past success are the fuel and motivation for our future ones. The issue is that most of us have a tendency to pay more attention to what hasn’t worked out, and this takes us away from all the delicious things that have.
In this life we tend to get more of what we focus on, so make sure you start the year as you mean to go on! 2010 will be a brilliant year, the more you focus on what works and then put that into action.
Step 2: Clarity – Get really clear
A great next step to moving beyond just thinking and hoping for all you’ve dreamed of is to gain a deeper level of clarity on what it is you truly want out of your life this year. This short exercise can help you do just that:
- Think forward to Christmas 2010… what would need to have happened in the previous 12 months for you to be able to look back and say ‘ WOW, that was a great year’?
- Then, from that perspective, write down list the outcomes you really want in specific areas of your life – not activities, but specific results that you are willing to work for. Be as explicit as possible.
- Once you have your list go through each item and ask yourself what you think you would gain if you achieved this. What would this give you? How would you feel? This will help you dig another level deeper and give you even greater insight into what it is that you really want. It also helps to make it really visceral.
Once you have developed a deeper level of clarity on where you want to go and what you want to achieve, you now have a really clear target that is written down and tangible. The next step is to begin to create a plan of action.
Step 3: Timing – Get the timing right
As you start to develop your plan of action, it is crucial to get the timing right. In my opinion, one of the main reasons many people fail in sticking to their New Year’s resolutions is because they do it at the wrong time of year – mid-winter. It’s very hard to stay motivated when it’s grey and cold outside, the days are short, and … Naturally at this time of year our bodies (and minds) are in slow-down mode, almost a bit like a semi-hibernation. In the natural cycle of the year it is a time of rest, recovery and renewal. So it’s hardly a surprise that so many of us fail when we try to charge off and make major changes. I recommend splitting your plan for the year into 4 phases:
Phase 1: January to March – Planning and preparation. Use this time to really plan and prepare for the changes you want to make over the next 12 months. By all means start the ball rolling, but take it one step at a time and don’t try and achieve too much. If you fall off the horse, don’t give yourself too much of a hard time. Just pick yourself up, recover, and then get back on.
Phase 2: April to June – Get into action. Now that the clocks have changed, the days are longer and brighter, and it’s getting warmer outside, it’s time to really swing into action. Spring is the best time to really kick off the changes you’ve planned for the year. Draw on the energy of the season, and really put some drive and effort behind your goals and objectives for the year and get some real momentum going.
Phase 3: July to September – Stoke the fire. As we come into full summer, it’s important to really stay on track and maintain the momentum you created during the spring. Keep your energy and commitment levels high and keep building on each achievement as a stepping stone to the next.
Phase 4: October to December – Harvest and reap the rewards. Now is the time to really begin to enjoy the rewards of your labour. If you’ve successfully implemented your plan to date you should already be able to look back and see some great progress. Enjoy it, celebrate, give thanks, and begin to wind down for the winter and plan to use that time to rest and recover, ready to repeat the cycle next year. I highly recommend adding the American ‘Thanksgiving’ holiday into your calendar!
Break your plan down into these four phases and have specific tasks, actions and accountability for each.
Step 4: Commitment – Make a strong commitment to your goals and plan
OK, here comes the toughest part for most of us – sticking at it! It’s time to really commit to making it happen – and you’ll need to re-commit over and over again throughout the year. It’s not just a one off process. We’re all human and we all waver. It’s not about implementing the plan flawlessly, in my opinion that is an unrealistic expectation. What’s important is to keep going. Don’t berate yourself for your failures and slip ups along the way, instead focus on recovery. Pick yourself up and carry on. Get straight back in the saddle so to speak.
My other key bit of advice here is to get help. Buddy up, get an accountability partner, hire a Move Beyond coach (shameless plug I know). Take a look back at my previous post ‘Flying Solo’. Going it alone is rarely the best approach to getting the results you want.
Step 5: Measure – Keep track of your success and keep it in perspective
As with Step 1 – keep focused on your victories and successes, not matter how big or small. Set yourself a reward structure for achieving milestones along the way – don’t hold them back until you’ve reached the finish line. You’ll need fuel along the way, so the breadcrumbs approach is best, little and often.
On that note, I want you to really think about what constitutes success, and what constitutes failure. I was chatting to some friends about this the other day and one of them confessed that last year she made a resolution to take vitamins every day, and sadly admitted that she was not successful. I asked her if she took more vitamins than the year before, and watched her eyes brighten as she enthusiastically said “yes” she did. Then it clicked in my mind. I was reminded that success is really all about our perspective. Are we failures if we do not reach our goals 100%, or are we successes because we did better than the year before? The decision is ultimately up to you, but in my experience few people achieve great things by focusing on where they’ve failed.
What’s important is not necessarily achieving every goal you set out to, but knowing that you will make some progress in all of them. And some progress is better than no progress, right? If we set goals and do better than the year before, then we have been successful. If we drink less, smoke less, eat less, spend less, save more, earn more, exercise more, and eat healthier, then we have made positive change. And isn’t that really what it’s all about?
If you are certain you won’t achieve a goal because you have tried and tried again, and maybe you have even given up hope, don’t! Instead try setting a tangible, achievable goal to “do better” than the year before, and see how that goes. It just might turn out pretty good.
Good luck!
I was coaching one of my clients recently and what we uncovered during the conversation was the impact that his close family are having on his life and his efforts to change it. And how, whilst having the best of intentions, they were part of what was holding him back. Now this is very common, and also a somewhat complex topic, which I’m not going to dive into right now. However one thing in particular that he said stood out to me. He revealed that his wife was of the opinion that he shouldn’t need to hire a coach to help him create a more successful life, he should be able to do it “on his own”.
Has anyone ever said something similar to you? Or perhaps you have said it to yourself – you know, during one of those conversations with yourself in your own head? When I talk to people about making changes in their life it is something they often say to me – it usually goes something like “but shouldn’t I be able to do this on my own?” Hell, it’s something I even used to say to myself!
I’ve learned, however, that it is the opposite that is true. The most successful people get as much help as they need to accomplish their goal. How many athletes do you know that have reached the top of their game without the help of a coach. How many top business people have gotten there without learning from others along the way? Take someone like Ellen MacArthur for example, the fastest female and youngest sailor to race around the world solo, non-stop. Whilst she sailed around the world on her own, do you think she did it without any help? Of course not, she would have had advisors, trainers, sponsors, a support team, to name but a few. In fact if you look at her website: www.ellenmacarthur.com you’ll find the following quote:
“It’s always been about a team. Thanks for our partners, friends and supporters. Without them we would be nowhere.” Ellen MacArthur
Many people believe something along the lines that “if you have help to achieve something then it diminshes that achievement in some way, or means that they are weak or ‘less than’ as a person”. Not true! It is a common misconception however, and one that I would advise you to eliminate from your life. So next time you hear a phrase like “you should be able to do it on your own”, either from someone else, or from one of the little voices in your own head, remind yourself immediately that it is not true and focus on seeking the help you need to get to where you want to go.
“Just wanted to remind you, that sometimes success is better measured in smiles received, giggles heard, and hands held, than in dollars earned, deadlines met, and kilos shed…”
~ tut.com
Happy New Year All! Watch this short video for a bit of New Year inspiration:
Have you ever found yourself stuck in the ‘Velvet Rut’?
Knowing that you need to make some changes in your life… and still not doing them? You are not alone. Many successful people find that the hardest part of moving forwards isn’t figuring out what to do. What’s hard is actually doing it.
We often call this the ‘Velvet Rut’ because generally things are going pretty well for you. You most likely have a job that pays fairly well and all in all a pretty comfortable life. This area is ‘no man’s land’ – you are stuck in a rut, but one that has a velvet lining, and as a result have little that would force you to make any immediate changes. However, you know you could do much better and on some level you feel that you are not yet achieving your full potential. Whilst you may want to make some changes and achieve greater success, unless things take a sudden turn for the worse and cause you some discomfort, you will most likely continue doing the same thing you have always done. Consequently, you will keep getting the same level satisfaction you experience now. You can do something about it now, or wait till you reach a pain-threshold where changing is no longer a ‘should’, but a ‘must’.
Making changes in your life/career can be a confronting process and can bring up fears of failure, disapproval, humiliation, harsh commentary from your inner critic, feelings of not being good enough and more. If you let them, these inner saboteurs can stop you dead in your tracks. The good news is that you don’t have to completely eliminate these internal roadblocks in order to move forwards. It is possible to feel afraid or uncomfortable and still take positive action, despite the presence of these feelings.
Here are 10 ways to quickly break through internal barriers and get yourself unstuck!
1. Recreate your vision. When you’re feeling blocked from moving forward, remember why you wanted to go there in the first place. What was your original vision life/career? What are the benefits? What fulfilment or satisfaction will it provide you? Write down your vision of your ideal life, or if you’ve written it down before, pull it out and re-read it. Allow your own words to re-inspire you to take the necessary steps.
2. Design a reward/Celebrate your small successes. Sometimes your vision may seem a bit too far off, and you need some more immediate gratification. Choosing to reward yourself for how far you have come so far, or to celebrate your smaller successes along the way, can provide you with a well needed boost. Many of us have a lot of success in life which goes un-praised and uncelebrated – we have a tendency to judge our smaller successes as not good enough or not worthy of celebrating, and instead focus on what is not yet done, or what we didn’t do so well.
Make celebrating every success a priority! The prospect of a special dinner, a movie with your significant other, or a new gadget, or a trip can help you to push past the blocks and get things done. These don’t even have to cost money. Sometimes the promise of a bubble bath, walk in the park, an hour reading a good book or just sharing your successes with your nearest and dearest is all you need.
3. Tame the inner critic. Often when you’re feeling stuck, what’s going on in your head is a conversation with your inner critic, who seems to have a lot to say about what is and isn’t possible or realistic. It’s difficult to move forwards when you are hearing a constant stream of comments like: “You’re not good enough,” “That’ll never work,” or “Who do you think you’re kidding?”
It can help to remember that the inner critic often says things that simply aren’t true. One way to counter this negative dialogue is to respond with the objective truth. For example: “I am good at what I do,” “I will find a way,” or “I’m a competent professional, thank you very much.” When you answer confidently with statements of fact, messages from the inner critic often begin to lose their power.
4. Face your fear. One of the most common obstacles to being successful is fear. Making changes in your life/career will most likely evoke fears of failure, disapproval, humiliation, and a host of other catastrophes. Instead of pretending the fear isn’t there, or attempting to ignore it, you may find it more effective to confront the fear directly.
Try to identify exactly what you are afraid of. What do you fear will happen if you make that change or take on that challenge? If you can identify the specific fear that is blocking you, it may be possible to soothe it by providing reassuring information or recalling positive experiences. For example, fear of failure can often be lessened by focusing on related successes that you have had in the past.
5. Get a pep talk. When you become discouraged, don’t be afraid to ask for outside help to cheer yourself up and start feeling positive again. Ask a friend, colleague, or your coach to give you some words of encouragement. Sometimes all you need to hear is: “It was tough for me in the beginning too… Eventually my efforts paid off… You’re doing all the right things… I know you can do it!”
6. Clearing. Feeling frustrated and negative can sometimes immobilise you. One method of clearing negative thoughts is to voice what you are experiencing to a caring person. Spend a full five minutes venting about everything that’s going wrong, making sure to say exactly how it makes you feel. Then ask your listener to reflect your feelings back to you. Knowing that someone else hears and understands you may be all you need to let go of a negative attitude and get back on track.
7. Get a dose of inspiration. Do something that inspires you and shifts your mood. What are the things that connect with the deeper parts of you – it could be a book or passage, a movie, a place, a role model, or a friend. Discover who and what inspires you and spend more time hanging out with those people and doing those things.
8. Quit; then start fresh. There may be days when you feel discouraged enough to just throw in the towel. Maybe you should do it. The act of quitting can be very cathartic. Proclaim: “I quit!” Perhaps even write yourself a resignation letter. Then take off the rest of the day, and don’t even think about it. It’s a good bet that after you have a chance to blow off some steam, you’ll be ready to come back the following day re-energised.
9. Change the scene. Making changes in your life/career can feel difficult and lonely when you’re always slaving away trying to do it yourself, or stuck at home or in the office. Get out, go somewhere different, take a trip, find inspiring places to think things through and hang out in. Surround yourself with people that support and champion you, and avoid spending time around people who are negative, cynical and generally look on the down side.
10. Act as if. Whenever you feel unsure about an area of change, you may be able to tackle it anyway if you simply try to act as if you were sure. Try playing the role of someone who would take it in his/her stride, a role model, superhero or TV/movie character. For example, what if you were Angelina Jolie? How would she do it? Or how about if you were Nelson Mandela? How would he tackle this challenge? A short time hanging out in the space of someone you think of as confident and capable can make those qualities rub off on you and help you to connect with your own inner strength.
The next time you feel stuck; try one of these methods to help you get back into action quickly. Life changes are really only as hard as you think they are, so if you can find an easy way out, why not take it?
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